Hopeless
by ambrosesaysnope
Summary: "I try to understand this whole idea of love for you and I just don't seem to get it. I attempt to do all of this romantic crap for you and it either flies over your head or you overlook it."
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I only own Micah.

A/N: Yay for a possible two part series! Now that I've finally got this out of my system, I can finally finish everything else I've started. I hope you enjoy! Review!

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"I'm not leaving!" He shouted, throwing an empty beer bottle across the room. "Why the hell should I leave?"

Micah stopped sweeping up the glass and glared at her boyfriend. Her hands tightly gripped the broom handle as she tried to control her anger.

"I try and I try to do everything for you." He lowered his voice, returning her glare with one of his own. "When we first started seeing each other I told you this wouldn't be easy. I warned you that I was a difficult person to get along with and you just ignored what I said. Deep down I think you thought you could change me. That you'd be able to find a way to change me and make me into some smiling, blithering idiot."

"Has it ever occurred to you that I love you for you?" She felt her face soften as she tenderly spoke to him. "I'd never try to change you because I fell in love with who you are right now, not some notion you seem to think I have in my head."

"Oh that's rich." Dean started laughing. "I don't think I've ever heard that line before. Good one, Micah."

"This is why we can't fucking get through one night without arguing! Anytime I utter one word, you're quick to make a joke out of it. It's like your purposely trying to find a way out of this relationship. If anybody doesn't care here anymore, it's you."

He watched as Micah exited the kitchen without so much as another word to him. The faint crunching of glass could be heard as she walked across the wreckage. The clattering of the broomstick falling to the ground echoed throughout the kitchen and then faded out.

Grumbling curses to himself, he turned on his heel and followed her out.

"What is it with you and walking away from me?" He growled, tightly gripping her wrist. "I tell you something you don't like hearing and you run out of the room? Don't pretend I never told you these things, Micah. I know I did and I specifically remember you saying it didn't matter, that we could work things out if we tried."

"No, I'm walking away because you take my feelings and toss them aside like trash. This isn't some promo you're cutting, Dean." She wiped away her tears with her free hand. "You're living in the real world when the cameras are off and away."

"I'm not living in a fantasy world." He seethed. "Don't you dare drag my work into this. I can decipher the difference between myself and who I am on TV. This isn't me working a crowd or trying to impress people I don't know. This is me trying to understand my girlfriend and figure out the inner workings of her mind. One minute you say you want something and when I do it, it isn't what you want. I tell you I love you and you say that I hate you. A majority of the time I don't understand you, Micah, and that drives me absolutely crazy."

Pulling her wrist out of Dean's grasp, Micah took a step away from him, her head slowly shaking back and forth. The hurt and the anguish in her eyes were clearly readable and the fact that she knew that made her hate herself even more. She hated how her feelings were so easy for him to read and to understand.

"I can't decipher the difference. The man standing before me is the exact same guy I see on TV." Micah whispered, rubbing her wrist. "That terrifies the hell out of me, babe. Because sometimes I don't know how tame or off the wall you're going to be. "

"Then why bother being with me if you feel this way, huh?" He asked, advancing towards her. "If I'm so unpredictable, then why not leave me? Tell me to go to hell and I will. Because quite frankly, I think that will be the most direct you've been with me in the three years we've been together."

"You don't mean that." She almost cried, but tried to hold herself together. "I know you love me."

"I don't?" He wondered. "Earlier tonight you yelled it in my face that my feelings weren't genuine. Maybe, they aren't."

Running a hand through her dark hair, Micah dropped her hands down to her sides and focused on her boyfriend of three years. In the few seconds she was looking at him, she suddenly became irritated that she couldn't read his facial expression. She couldn't tell if he was angry or hurt.

"I didn't mean it earlier." She boldly moved towards him and wrapped her arms around his waist. "You know I didn't mean it earlier. I was just so hurt that you were late tonight. We had been planning this night for weeks and this is the night you decided to be late. For what? The fact that I couldn't make it to your show a couple of weeks ago."

"It was my debut match for WWE." He growled, pulling away from her. "You of all people should have been there to cheer me on! You should have been there to support me and tell me that all the hurt I was feeling from that match would go away."

It always struck her as odd that he could from tough to vulnerable so fast. She knew that he had suffered much worse during other matches and he was fine when she tried to clean him up. He would shrug it off as nothing and just her let do her thing. Now, for some reason, he felt the need to have her there all the time.

"You've suffered worse than that and you know it. I've had to clean so many of your cuts and take care of you so many times that I know you can handle yourself during this."

"It's not a matter of the physical pain I was feeling! All those times you were there for me, it made me feel good to know that I had someone there who loved me and who cared about me. Last week I didn't have that from you."

"I didn't do it on purpose!" Micah shouted, breaking away from him. "You fucking know it too! Don't play this game with me, Dean. You knew I had to work and that I couldn't get off that night."

"It was my debut match for them! They could have understood. One more measly night wouldn't have killed them." He was beyond frustrated at this point. "I really needed you and you couldn't be there for me! The one time I needed you most!"

"Wait one damn minute!" Micah's brown eyes blazed with fury. "How many times have you missed something of mine? You missed my Dad's funeral because you had a match out in Boston. Did I bitch about it? No, because I understood that you were fulfilling your dream. Anytime you couldn't be there for something of mine, I didn't complain. The _one_ time I couldn't be there for something of yours and not only do you bitch about it, but you purposely show up late!"

"Because I was angry at you!"

"Real fucking mature, Dean!"

"Like you've never hurt me before?" Dean questioned, stepping towards her until her back hit the wall. "I've done everything I could for you, Micah. What do you do? You shit on it all! I was there for you when your mother was in the hospital and you acted like I wasn't there. I send you flowers and shit and you don't react. How am I supposed to make you happy if you tell me nothing?"

Turing her head away from him, Micah allowed the tears to spill out of her eyes and zigzag down her face. Was it possible for them to continue being in a relationship if all they did was fight? If he hadn't been late tonight, then they surely would have fought over something else.

"I try to understand this whole idea of love for you and I just don't seem to get it. I attempt to do all of this romantic crap for you and it either flies over your head or you overlook it. So many times I've tried to change for you and not once did you ever notice. Still, despite not understanding, I still wake up terrified that you won't be here anymore. Because in some weird way, if I don't have you, then I have nothing. I'd be lost without you."

"Stop saying all of this, Dean." The brunette pleaded with him, turing her watery gaze on him. "I do see everything you do for me and sometimes I don't know how to react. You think I understand any of this either? I'm just trying to go with this too and it seems that I can't."

"What are you saying?"

"That I'm as hopeless as you are, but I can't seem to walk away." She rested her hand on the side of his face. "Neither of us seems to understand the other, but we still come back. It's like we wait for more of this because we don't know what we really deserve."

"I still don't know what I would do without you."

She felt her heart pounding a mile a minute as she continued to search for the right words. She hadn't wanted to do this, but tonight just seemed to solidify her recent thoughts. Of course, she loved him and he loved her, but this dysfunction wouldn't survive.

"I don't know what I'd do without you either." Micah whispered, standing on her tiptoes. "I think it's time we find out."

He knew this was coming and he absolutely dreaded it. "Don't make me go."

Micah allowed herself to get lost in his arms. Her lips pressing down against his made her not want to let go. So she held on for as long as she could. When she finally pulled away from him, her brown eyes remained on his blue ones. Her fingertips carefully glided across his lips as she allowed the silence to consume them. The finality of this all made her want to savor the moment and never forget him.

"I'm sorry." She finally cried. "I have to let you go."

"I love you." Dean whispered, trying to hold himself together. "I'm sorry for everything, but don't let me go."

"It's time we learn how to understand this." Micah finally broke away from him. "Goodbye, Dean."

Micah watched as Dean backed away from her, his blue eyes burning a hole through her. When he finally turned his back on her, Micah felt like she could breathe. The sound of the door opening and closing made her see that it was all over. With that realization, she crumbled down to the floor and finally allowed all of her tears to flow.

Dean stood outside her apartment with his back pressed up against her door. His breathing was erratic and it felt like his heart had been smashed into millions of little pieces, but damn if he still didn't love her. Damn it all to hell if he didn't want to go back in there and tell her she was wrong. He wanted to know why she really wanted to end things. Was it because she truly didn't understand things like him or for the fact that he was late and she just wanted to hurt him? Whatever the reason, he wanted to know, but still afraid at the same time. Driving the thought out of his mind, he pushed himself off the door and started away from her apartment.

Still, in his heart stood the ray hope that they would one day be together again. All they had to do was learn how to understand.

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A/N: Yay or nay?


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I only own Micah.

A/N: A GIGANTIC thank you to everyone who read and reviewed, I love you all! Enjoy. Review.

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For the longest time he stood in front of her apartment, wondering if he should go inside or not. After all, it had only been two weeks ago that Micah had broken it off behind that very door. Was he ready to go back in there and face the reality that it was really over?

Running a hand through his hair, he dug the keys out of his pocket and hesitantly inserted the key in the lock and turned it. The door slightly squeaked as he slowly opened the door, peaking his head around it to make sure her house was empty. When he realized that she was gone, he pushed the door open and allowed himself in. With a sigh, he softly closed the door behind him and looked around the house.

Everything looked as it usually did. Clean and immaculate, not a speck of dust anywhere. Remote controls all aligned on the table from biggest to smallest. Her book rested on the corner of the table. As always, everything was in its own order and he couldn't help but smile at Micah's quirkiness.

Walking through the living room, he wandered into the kitchen. Breakfast dishes were all washed and drying off in the dish strainer. Like the other room, everything here seemed to be in order and that made him a bit irritated. He was hoping that their breakup would have given her a minor setback. Made Micah miss him as much as he missed her, even if she was the one who initiated it.

On his way out of the kitchen he had noticed the stain on the wall. The sudden memory of him throwing his beer bottle across the room came to mind. His shouts and refusal to leave the house suddenly flooded his ears, causing his eyes to snap shut. If he ignored it, it would all go away.

When he was able to calm himself down, he took one more glance at the stain on the wall and wondered why she hadn't painted over that yet. Knowing Micah, it would have been the first thing she would have done. She would do anything to rid herself and her house of any bad memories.

Releasing a deep breath, he finally made it to her bedroom. Unlike the rest of the house, the room was in complete disarray. This left him in utter surprise because he hadn't been expecting it. Her clothes and shoes, which were usually organized in her closets and drawers, were scattered here and there. The vanity table was a complete mess with things uncapped or left carelessly hanging on the edge of the table.

"What the hell?" He asked himself as he stepped around the room.

As he took in the sight of the room around him, he noticed that pictures of the two of them were either missing or turned to face the wall. It was as if his image had haunted her. It was like she wanted to forget him, but at the same time she couldn't.

Sighing, he crossed over to the bed and sat down on the edge. His eyes scanning over her room once more. The more he saw, the more the hurt of the break up coursed through his veins. Dean was beginning to regret coming over here. Why hadn't he insisted on her packing his things together in a box and leaving it out in the hall? He should of said something when she said she wouldn't have time to do it, so he would have do it himself.

Taking one more deep breath, he got up and started across the room to the closet. However, the crunching of glass underneath his shoes caused him to stop in his tracks. Looking down, he popped a squat and kicked aside the shirt that covered the glass.

Ignoring the tiny scratches he was getting from moving the pieces of glass around, he found the picture that had once been in the now broken frame. A small smile formed on his lips as his eyes took in the image. It was their first Christmas together. They had been attending a party at her sister's house. Running his fingertip across the picture, he rose to his feet and started for the closet again.

She had hoped that Dean had been gone by now. She hoped that any traces of him around her house were gone and then maybe, just maybe she could finally try to move on. Maybe, she can finally stop crying over him or stop wondering why she would want to end it after three years together.

Hoping for the best, she opened the door and stepped inside. Everything was just as it was when she had left. The lights were off and the room was completely still. It showed no traces of Dean having been there. She was both relieved and hurt.

She headed to her bedroom and stopped in her tracks when she noticed the light on in her bedroom. He was _still_ there, getting his things together. Why hadn't she packed his things and just left it at his house? Why did she have to insist on him coming and getting his things while she was gone? Micah should have known that this would have happened.

Resting her hand on the door knob, she took a deep breath and then pushed the door open. The time to face him was going to come up sooner or later. She would have preferred later had she been given the option.

Dean looked up from his spot on the floor when the door opened. "Hi."

"You're still here?"

"I'll be gone soon enough." Dean shrugged, looking in her direction. "I got a little distracted."

In a far corner of the room, she noticed that his things were gathered into a pile. A few more of his things were scattered around the room.

"You can finish up in here and then go." Micah whispered, avoiding his gaze. "I'll be in the kitchen."

"Wait!" He called after her as he rose to his feet. "Can we please talk about this? I don't want us to leave things like this."

"We need time apart." She started away from him, only for Dean to gently wrap his hand around her wrist. "Let me go."

"Look, I had every intention of getting my stuff and leaving, but then I found old pictures of us."

"That's just is, they're old pictures. Just like our relationship is old." Micah sighed. "We can't keep going on like this."

As soon as she saw the hurt flash in his eyes, she wished the floor would open and swallow her whole. If she could, she would take back what she had just said.

"Just hear me out for ten minutes." He decided to ignore her comment. "If you don't like what I have to say, then I'll get my things and get out of your hair."

Micah was quick to protest, but quickly changed her mind when she caught the look in his eyes. His quiet pleading won her over, but at the same time still amazed her. After seeing the things he's endured, or hearing stories about his life before her, she wondered how he could be so vulnerable at times.

"Okay." Her voice slightly broke. "I'll hear you out."

Excited by her agreement, he started leading her to where he was sitting before. Letting go of her hand, he sat down and then gestured for her to do the same. When she did, he picked up the pictures and handed them to her.

"Dean."

"Just look through the pictures." He urged her.

"What's the point in this?" She asked, her gaze switching between the pictures and him. "It really won't do much."

"Just look at the pictures, will you?" His blue eyes pleaded with her.

Her hands slightly shook as she sifted through the pictures. Tears started to burn underneath her eyelids as a memory came back with each one. Pictures from when they first met to as recent as two months ago invaded her vision.

"My intentions today were to get my things and leave before you got back." Dean's spoke slowly, his eyes burning into her. "Then I found these and I couldn't let go of them. I couldn't help but laugh at some of the pictures and remember the good times we had. Even with those memories, I remembered all the times we fought. Just when we were close to breaking up, we patched things up again."

"Don't you ever get sick of that?" She flicked away a tear that managed to escape.

"No, because I know we'll always be there for each other in the end." He moved to sit in front of her. "Thinking about it now, I know I shouldn't have shown up late on purpose two weeks ago. It was an important night for you and I fucked it all up. I was just so hurt and aggravated that you couldn't show up for TLC that I wanted to make you feel the way I felt. I wasn't thinking clearly."

"Dean, you know I would have been there if I could have." She sighed, setting the pictures next to her. "You wanting to hurt me on purpose doesn't justify your reasoning."

"I know it doesn't." He sighed. "It doesn't justify it for anything. I just didn't know how to cope with you not being there for once. When I got back to the locker room I have expected you to be there. When I got there and saw you weren't, I just felt like the entire night was meaningless."

"Look, last time we were together we both said things that hit home. We don't understand each other, Dean." Micah finally found the courage to catch his gaze. "We get mad at each other for every little thing. It doesn't matter who it is, it could be either of us, and the other will _always_ get mad."

The urgency was flashing in his blue eyes. There had to be a way to salvage their relationship. Three years was too much for them to throw it away. Especially, with their history and everything they shared together.

"We can fix this! Together we can learn to understand." He excitedly stated. "All we have to do is help each other!"

"Dean, after what happened, I don't think I can learn to understand." Micah's voice shook, her brown eyes shining with tears. "Maybe, you were right in saying things were overlooked by me, that you can't understand what goes through my head."

Moving forward, he wiped away her tears with the pads of his thumbs. "I know what I said and I really wish I hadn't. Thinking about it now, I was wrong to say those things. What I should have done was hold you close and apologize for what I did, for being such an asshole."

"It's too late for a lot of that." She whispered. "I really needed you there for that appointment and you weren't there. I needed you there to hold me and tell that things would be okay. That comfort that you always need from me, I needed from you, Dean. Where were you that day? No where to be found."

"I said I was sorry for that." He was growing agitated. "Do you want me to wear a fucking sign through the streets?"

"That's not what I want." Micah furiously wiped away her tears. "What I wanted was for my boyfriend to be there for me. I really needed you when those results were being read to me. Call me foolish, but I was hoping that when I stepped out of the office, I thought I'd see you in the waiting room. Just knowing that you could have gotten there late and were sitting out in the waiting room would have made me feel better. I really hoped to see you sitting in one of those chairs, with _Women's Health Magazine_ in your lap and looking completely bored. But, then when you'd see me, you would just smile at me just to give me reassurance that everything would be all right. When I stepped out of the office, you weren't there. Instead of feeling reassured and complete, I felt hollow and alone."

"I'll apologize until I'm blue in the face, Micah." His words were rushed, almost hard for her to understand. "I swear I wasn't thinking clearly that night and I'll always be sorry for not being there for you. Especially, when you were always there for me. But I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere."

She really hadn't wanted to do this to him. Micah wanted to be with him always, but there was always going to be the lingering doubt of him being there for her in the back of her mind. These next few months were going to be crucial for her and she wasn't sure he couldn't handle it.

"I love you." Her words came out slow and barely above a whisper. "I really do, Dean. But we can't do this anymore."

"We've done it before." He reminded her.

"I know we have."

Shaking her head, she rose from her spot on the floor. "Please, just finish getting your things and then go."

Micah was gone before he could even utter a word. Pounding his fists against his thighs in frustration, he got up and followed suit. He wasn't going to leave things like this.

"Micah, I think we need to talk about this some more."

"Please, just leave."

Suddenly, she began to feel woozy. Her balance seemed of kilter and at any moment she felt like she was going to fall. Grabbing onto the edge of the counter, she steadied herself, her eyes squeezed closed. Her thoughts only on the hope that this spell would go away soon.

"Are you all right?" He stepped further into the kitchen.

"I'm fine." Her eyes snapped open and she turned around to face him. "I just didn't get much sleep last night and it's all catching up to me now."

Concerned, he moved to her and pulled Micah close to his body. "Are you sure?"

The brunette found her resistance slowly slipping away. It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him what was wrong, but she quickly swallowed back her words. She didn't want him to give up his life for her, nor did she want him to blame himself for anything, not when it wasn't his fault. This was something beyond their control, leaving her with the choice to deal with it on her own.

"I'm fine." Micah broke away from him. "Just get your things and go."

"Micah-"

"Just do it, Dean!" She screamed, surprising him with her outburst.

Shaking his head, he backed away from her and went to go do just what she wanted him to do. He would get his things and go. Unlike this time, he wouldn't bother coming back.

"This is for the best." She whispered to herself. "Better he remember me as I am right now."

Ten minutes later, with his things in tow, Dean stopped in the kitchen to give her one final word. "For two weeks all I've been thinking about is fixing things for our betterment and you just threw everything in my face. I did everything I could for you and it means nothing. Call me mental, but I _still _love you and probably always will. After some thinking, I guess you're right, we're hopeless."

With that, he stormed out of the kitchen without so much as glancing back at her.

"This is for the best." Micah repeated to herself.

The sound of the door slamming behind him felt like a shot to her heart.

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A/N: For a while, I was wondering what I could do with this. Then, I was about midway through when an idea hit me. So I hope you guys enjoyed this and keep a look out for part two. :)


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